What is friction? The first example that comes to mind would probably be using sand paper to smooth an object or perhaps even just holding objects in ones hand. In the laws of physics, it is defined as when two objects come together, there is a resistive force that generates from contact. We as engineers are smart. We invent many apparatus and equipment to measure force, pressure and many other things. However, one thing we have failed to measure is perhaps the friction between people. Maybe we might not have considered it in this context, but friction between people has led to many disastrous events around the world. Think back to World War I and II, or bringing it closer to home, friction between couples and friends that have destroyed homes and wrecked lives. Brief letters to my past friend, as the title says, is a letter of conflict that is perhaps best left forgotten.
Dear (Blank)
Perhaps you might not have noticed but recently, your behavior has taken a toll for the worse. I (Although I’m writing this in my point of view, I believe I speak on behalf of the whole group as well) understand that maybe you have your own problems and situations to be concerned with, but that does not give you the right to dictate what is always right or wrong in a friendship. In another sense, the right word to use for this context would be “selfish”.
No, I do not think that I have to hold my 21st at a certain said location just because it would last late through the night and you had no form of public transportation home. No, I do not think that you should place a judgment on your friend just because your girl friend said so. No, I do not think that I am responsible for giving you a lift to and fro each time we have a gathering even though you might be on the way for me. You do not have the right to demand a lift from me or in fact anyone at all. No, you do not have the right to get angry just because things do not go your way every time. No, just because we are your friends, it does not give you the right to force us to change our plans just to fit your schedule. No, just because we voiced it out does not mean we are all against you and that we have not considered your feelings.
Maybe after receiving this letter and reading it, you can take the time to reflect on what has been said and mentioned in the comfort of your own time and space. I understand this could probably be due to nurture taking its place and this is how you might have been brought up to function. However, in reality, this is not the way friendship works. Perhaps the future you would reconsider your stand on our friendship and make moves to amend it again.
Sincerely Yours,
The future friend
Often I have pondered the same question over and over again, given the chance to replay the situation, would we be as cool headed and systematic in facing the conflict now or would we react in exactly the same way? We have searched effortlessly for cures to cancer and aids, but we have not invested enough to find a cure for conflict. Maybe when we finally find the cure for it, this letter can be sent on its way to be burnt and disposed of. However, until then, is time really a solution in dealing with interpersonal conflict?
Hey Jon, Conflict is inevitable. Resentment and negative outcomes are optional. Time is one of the phases in which a conflict can be resolved; however, it is not absolute. The cure for conflict would never be a standard procedure that is reproducible, unlike antibiotics or sophisticated equipments against diseases. Communication encompasses inconsistencies, interpretations, and emotional variables, and is greatly influenced by every individual’s unique frame of reference, and life experience. Thus, given another chance, one may or may not repeat the same mistake or behaviour, however, as of now; we could make use of interpersonal skills that we have learnt to better understand each others’ emotions and employ strategies for communication.
ReplyDeleteHi Jon,
ReplyDeleteThat was a really good written letter, could feel the outpour of emotions from the letter. I guess being friends, we tend to overlook faults and flaws in each other and will be more willing to accept a friend's mistake.
I do believe that a solution can be discovered, one that does not undermine either parties involved. But it will require a significant amount of understanding or even compromise from each party.
I do hope all is well with you and things improve eventually!
Hey Jon,
ReplyDeleteTime can indeed be one way in which conflicts may be resolved, or at best, toned down. We do hear others say that time can heal everything. However, once the time taken to heal the conflict is up, i do believe that the relationship will no longer be the same. It can never go back to the same level as it was before. There will be a scar present, in this case, time doesn't seems to be able to heal that. So in conclusion, I think time will only dispel the animosity or hatred between the affected parties to a neutral position but never back to the vibrant level again. To get back to the vibrant level where it once used to be, we need more than time. We need effort and understanding. So this effort can come in the form of that letter. No need to dispose of it then. The letter may not be the best way, but hey, it's a start!